The Perfect Break-Up
POSTED November 21, 2019
Going through a break up can cause a lot of stress, especially in teens. A teenager’s emotions are usually haywire because of their hormones. This will cause break ups to hit a little harder. A break up is hard for both ends; here are some tips for how to break up with someone and how to get over a break up.
Step 1 – The Pregame.
Before jumping into a decision about your relationship, give the relationship time to work things out. Many people will dump someone before they give it any thought, and this usually leads to regret. Try to figure things out with your partner or find a compromise before making any harsh decisions.
After that, if you have decided to break up with your partner, the next step is to pick a meeting place. An example could be your significant other’s house. Never have them come over to your house because you wouldn’t be able to leave the situation when you feel it is necessary. Going somewhere public is also a great idea; this way the reaction of your partner can be contained to an extent.
Sharing money and living together is a realistic part of a relationship. When the break up comes around, have somewhere to stay either temporarily or permanently. Living together after a break up can cause intense emotions between two people. Before breaking up with someone have a game plan for how you are going to split all of your shared belongings.
You should also mentally prepare yourself for strong emotions. Your partner will likely be in shock and not be able to process the information. As you sit there seeing the person you shared your life with fall apart, you might be feeling that it is a mistake to break up. However, your decision was make prior and it is good to stick to it.
Lastly, before breaking up with someone get emotional support. Tell your friends what you’re about to do; this will guarantee a good support system after the break up. If you plan to do this step after the break up, you might be too emotional to ask for help. Doing this step before the break up will allow your friends to be there for you during the transition.
Step 2 – The Endgame.
Now that you are sitting across from your significant other, it is time to break the news. There can be many different responses to this news, so be prepared for anything. It is important to be straightforward with your partner and explain your thoughts. You should also stick to your decision no matter how your ex responds.
If they get angry… remove yourself from the situation. This anger is usually masking their hurt or pain; however, it is best not to leave the relationship like this. Have a final closure conversation after they’ve had time to cool down. This conversation will benefit both of you, and help you both to move on easier.
If they beg… remember that in a relationship you want your head and your heart to agree. Begging is meant to make you feel bad about the situation, and this can be very confusing for your body. You might believe you are making the wrong decision; but, you shouldn’t fall into peer pressure. This is an example of a toxic relationship and it is better that you break up anyways.
If they get sad… do not be wishy washy with your words. This can lead your ex to believe in false hope; you need to be straightforward and leave no room for question. “You can make an empathetic comment, such as, ‘I know this is really hard on you and that it’s not what you want to hear. I’m so sorry to hurt you,’ but don’t leave the breakup up for debate” (The Cut). Giving your ex space is the best thing you can do for them. They need to work out their emotions on their own.
If they promise to change… do not sink into these false promises. Most people use this as a last resort to keep someone from leaving; however, if these problems weren’t fixed prior, you can safely assume that these new promises won’t hold up either.
If they are crazy revenge seeking exes… run. Cut them off completely; in situations like this, many people resort to a restraining order. Toxic exes can be dangerous, because you might not know how far they will go to hurt you the way they feel hurt. If this is the case, stay with friends in public places, talk to the police, and consider moving temporarily if possible.
Step 3 – The Aftermath for both sides
After a break up, people feel isolated and lonely; remember to tell your inner circle immediately. Phone calls and nights out with friends are the best way to get over someone.
You should also prioritize your emotional and physical health. It is okay to cry it out; you should be using healthy strategies to overcome this emotional distress. Healthy strategies include crying, going out with friends, spending time with family, and exercising.
Getting rid of your ex’s pictures online and items that remind you of the relationship is a good idea. The relationship is over and it should be treated that way. If you want to burn their things, go for it. This will help you overcome the distress faster; however, keep in mind, this may ruin the chance at a future friendship with your ex.
You cannot expect to get rid of your feelings overnight. You shared part of your life with someone. The good memories will always be with you; however, don’t confuse these feelings with regret. Give yourself a month before considering getting back together with a recent ex.
Break ups are always rough. Using these steps can help a relationship to end in the best way possible. Going through this process can leave an opening for a future friendship with your ex. The best thing to remember is that it is not the end of the world, only the beginning of a new chapter.