Looney Laws Round One


Rival Riot, Writer

Ah, America home of the brave and land of the free. It’s a great place, isn’t it? Not only do we have the strongest military in the world, great people, and amazing food, we have some of the stupidest laws in the world! Yup, you heard that right! We have some insane laws that will make you ask what in the world were these people thinking! Hi I’m Rival Riot and today I’m going to share some downright outrageous laws. 


Image courtesy of Wikipedia

First up we have that crazy state called Texas. Texas is also known as the “Lone Star state” and boy do these loners have some weird laws. Did you know that in Texas it is illegal to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel? Not only is this one odd law, but it also raises a few questions too. Mainly the question of who the heck is the idiot that shot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel? Also why just the second story? Why not the third or the fourth? I mean that creates one heck of a loophole, don’t you think? “Yes officer I shot the buffalo from the hotel, but I was on the third floor.” Like that’s gonna help you. 


Next up we have Kentucky, known for horse racing and moonshine. Their weird law states that no one can dye a duckling blue and put it up for sale unless there are more than six for sale at once. You know I think that the best part about this law is the unless. “Oh yeah, you can’t sell that blue duckling there unless you have six of ‘em.” I mean what was this person thinking? Was the person even thinking? Probably not. Anyway on to the next dumb law! 

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons


In Connecticut you can not legally sell a pickle unless it bounces when dropped from a height of one foot. If your selling pickles are you really going to “bounce” each and every pickle? No, no your not.


But then we have that one lady. Let’s call her Karen. Karen comes in, red faced, huffing and angry and is like “I want a refund! I bought a pickle here and it doesn’t bounce!” The poor kid at the cash register is like “What?” Karen clears her throat, looking annoyed “I want a refund! I bought a pickle and it doesn’t bounce!” The kid, Billy looks at her like she’s crazy. “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t refund food here.” Karen’s eye twitches, she looks like she might just blow a fuse and you can practically see the smoke billowing from her ears. She takes in a deep breath  before she starts screaming like a banshee at Billy, who unfortunately doesn’t get paid enough for this. When the manager comes out to ask what all the commotion is about, her rage is temporarily stopped, but not for long. She then directs her furry full force onto the manager wailing about how she’s going to sue. Karen keeps her word. The store is taken to court over pickles and Karen wins. Business slows down before it ultimately stops altogether. You have

gone bankrupt and your reputation has been dragged through the mud. Bills keep piling up higher and higher, until you can no longer support your family and it’s all thanks to the fact that you sold a pickle that couldn’t bounce. 


Now as crazy as this law sounds it gets even crazier. The story behind the law started back in 1948 where there was a pickle scam. A pickle scam. These pickle scammers sold pickles that were unfit for human consumption. Therefore in order to put a stop to all the pickle scammers out there Food and Safety Standards declared that in order for a pickle to be safe for human consumption it must bounce. No word on how high the pickle needs to bounce, just that it needs to bounce. People have actually been arrested and fined over this. But this is just the start of the slippery slope.


In Iowa you can’t “fake your butter.” Anyone who tries to pass off margarine, oleomargarine, or oleo off as real butter is guilty of a misdemeanor. This misdemeanor can land you in jail for 30 days as well as a fine of $625. Now I’m guessing the reason for this law probably started with a cranky old lady who wanted something to complain about. I don’t know why she wanted to complain about butter of all things, but she did and now you can get arrested because you faked your butter. Shame on you.

Image courtesy of Flickr

In North Dakota you can get put in jail for wearing a hat while dancing… I’m just gonna let that one sink in. Jail time… For wearing a hat… While dancing. Pretty crazy right? You could be at prom, where dancing is allowed but if you have a hat on, you better get down on the ground because your going to jail. 


I mean, imagine this, your at home dancing and singing to your favorite songs just having a good time when all of a sudden your windows are shattered and your door is kicked in. Large men in swat uniforms come streaming in, and there yelling at you. Telling you to get on the ground. Your too shocked to move, and you try to think of what you did wrong. After being tackled to the ground your handcuffed. Your mom is crying in the corner, being consoled by your dad who shoots you a disappointed look and as your being led out, you ask what you did wrong and the officer replies “You were dancing… With a hat on!” 


Well that’s all the stupid laws I can handle for now. But don’t worry I’ll be back! Join me, Rival Riot, next time for more Loony Laws! Cause trust me, it only gets worse from here.